It’s May! Ironically, now that the sun is starting to peek out of the clouds more often, there are all sorts of amazing “dark alternative” events (goth, metal, horror, etc) happening this month, but we’ll try not to let this turn into “the goth kid’s guide to Seattle: May 2018 edition." No promises.
Tuesday, May 1 - Alice Glass: Snowblood Tour @ The Crocodile
Canadian singer Alice Glass of Crystal Castles fame is playing The Croc, which is a big deal for fans of the genre (you know, that post-goth, chillwave sort of genre that sounds like a pop version of witch house… I guess we’re calling it bubblegoth or “electropunk" now). Wear whatever you want, as long as it’s black.
May 1-7 - Anniversary Sale @ Herbn Elements
Our dispensary is celebrating its 3-year anniversary this month with awesome deals on buds, dabs, and joints:Golden Tree flower: 1g ($8), 3.5g ($25), and 7g ($48) - Dog Walker OG, Mango Kush, and Super Silver HazeBondi Farms flower: 7g ($29) - Great White Shark and Optimus PrimeLazy Bee dabs: 1g ($21) - Black Cherry Soda, Berry White, and Powder HoundOleum dabs: 1g ($30) Golden Howlitzer Honey CrystalPhat Panda joints: 1g ($4) Golden Pineapple, OG ChemFreedom joints: $5 - kief infused (strains TBD)
Wednesday, May 2 - Chuck Palahniuk @ Elliot Bay Book Company
…the third rule of Fight Club is to read the book— because the movie really glosses over the greater purpose of the organization— and the fourth rule is to read any of Chuck Palahniuk’s other books (such as Invisible Monsters, which is partially set in Seattle). Chucky P. himself will be at Elliot Bay Book Company signing copies of his brand new book: Adjustment Day. The ticket price includes a copy of the new book, and Mr. Palahniuk will not be reading aloud this time (probably for the best).
May 2-5 - Mechanismus Festival @ Highline
Did you know that Seattle has a thriving industrial music scene? Neither did we! Mechanismus is a 4-day music festival showcasing the underground industrial artists of the greater Seattle area. Each day of the event has a different theme: HATE (5/2), FEAR (5/3), GREED (5/4) and WAR (5/4).
Thursday, May 3 - Mr. Nude Cascadia 2018 @ The Conservatory
Every month while doing research for our Seattle Events blogs we inevitably come across some kind of weird activity that involves people getting naked, and I inevitably write about them because they’re often too bizarre not to mention. Mr. Nude Cascadia 2018 is no exception.
Let me set the scene: you’re a male, you’re [possibly too] comfortable with your nude body, and you pay $25 for the privilege of having strangers judge you in your most vulnerable state. Round one is the talent portion, where nudity is prohibited, and contestants may either sing, dance, tell jokes, play an instrument, or perform a physical act of strength or balance… apparently no other “talent” is permitted. Round 2 is the swimwear competition, and nudity still isn’t allowed, but sexiness counts for points. In the final round, contestants strip naked to the music of their choice, then a “winner” is selected to win $500. And this is all on a Thursday night. If any of this sounds like a good idea to you, please go check it out then report back to us!
May 4-6 - Crypticon 2018 @ DoubleTree Hotel
Not to be confused with a cryptocurrency convention, Crypticon 2018 is referred to by the event organizers as “the largest gathering of fans of the macabre in the Pacific Northwest” (but going off what I’ve seen from their website, I’d rewrite it as, “the largest gathering of b-horror fans and psychobillies in the Pacific Northwest”). In all seriousness though, the panel discussions all sound fascinating, and Crypticon was voted “Best Convention” last year by Seattle Weekly.
Saturday, May 5 - Kendrick Lamar @ White River Amphitheatre
DAMN. Pulitzer Prize winning rapper Kendrick Lamar is playing White River Amphitheatre in Auburn, Washington! It’s an hour drive outside the city, but it’s a huge outdoor venue so you’re more likely to get into the show.
Sunday, May 6 - Kentucky Derby
Put on your biggest hat, most gaudy and get ready for the most exciting 2 minutes in sports! As of this writing we can’t tell which Seattle bars and restaurants will be serving mint juleps and showing the race, but this list from last year seems like a great jumping off point.
Sunday, May 6 - Levar Burton Reads Live @ The Neptune Theater
Butterfly in the skyyy, I can get twice as hiiiiiiiiiigh! It’s story time with everyone’s favorite cast member from Star Trek: The Next Generation (you may also remember him from a certain children’s show about literature, but the organization behind it has been overly litigious the last couple of years so I’m not even gonna mention that show’s name). Levar Burton reading books aloud will be a great experience for children of all ages, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
Sunday, May 6 - Taco Libre Truck Showdown @ Fremont Sunday Market
A free event in Fremont with over 30 taco trucks… need I say more?! Smoke a fat one and get some tacos in you before Lahna eats them all.
Thursday, May 10 - Weed School: Bondi Farms @ Herbn Elements
Class is in session! Meet the folks from Bondi Farms and ask them any questions you have about their pesticide free, indoor grown flower! Bondi will be in the shop from 4 to 7pm, and all their buds & joints will be 20% OFF ALL DAY!
May 11-12 - Pretty Haute Machine @ Theatre Off Jackson
Why is it that Seattle has so many burlesque shows? Budtender Ollie says that it has historical significance, that Seattle was one of the first cities where the art form took off, but I can’t find any information online to back that up. Anyway, if I was going to attend a burlesque show this year, it would definitely be Pretty Haute Machine: a burlesque tribute to Nine Inch Nails.
Saturday, May 12 - Annual Seattle Pierogi Fest @ Dom Polski (Polish Cultural Center)
There was a pierogi cart at Hempfest two years ago, and my friends and I fell in love with our new favorite food. The following year the pierogi booth wasn’t at Hempfest (believe me, we looked), so we opted to get stoned and head over to Pierogi Fest only to find that the line was already an hour long. Learn from our mistakes: plan ahead, get high quickly, and get to Pierogi Fest by 11am or so.
Sunday, May 13 - The Color Run @ Seattle Center
If you've ever seen photos on Facebook where your swole buddy runs a marathon while getting pelted with colored powder and thought, “I wanna throw shit at the skinny people too,” then here’s your chance! The Color Run is “the happiest 5k on the planet,” and I think it also has some sort of philanthropic angle that completely gets lost amidst the spectacle. Maybe I should go with Bryce; he can run the 5k while I eat junk food and throw colorful sand at strangers. What a time to be alive!
Wednesday, May 16 - Goatwhore + Satyricon @ El Corazón
On 2 separate occasions I caught the last few minutes of Goatwhore’s set before the headlining band came on, and those few minutes have been more than enough to encourage me to catch a full set next time they’re in town. Goatwhore is back in Seattle to perform their brand of blackened death metal, opening for the band Satyricon. If you’ve ever watched the black metal documentary called Until The Light Takes Us, then you may be familiar with Frost from Satyricon and how committed he is to his art. I can’t say I’ve listened to much of their music— especially after seeing what a toolbox Frost is in the documentary— but I’d expect that their performance would be theatrical and entertaining to watch.
Thursday, May 17 - Cough @ Highline
We told you up front that there are lots of great metal shows happening this month, and Cough should be high priority for our demographic. If you’re not familiar with the band, Cough is a sludge/ doom metal act from budtender Laszlo’s hometown of Richmond, Virginia; perfect listening for any stoned metalhead. Highline is the perfect venue for them too, as most of their drinks and dishes are named after doom metal bands.
Thursday, May 17 - Weed School: Ionic @ Herbn Elements
Class is in session! The team from Ionic will be in the shop from 4 to 7pm to chat about their CO2 extraction technique, as well as their popular vape cartridges. All Ionic products (including their disposable vape pens) will be 20% OFF all day!
Friday, May 18 - Jeff Ross & Dave Attell Bumping Mics @ The Moore Theater
Snarky comedians Dave Attell and Jeff Ross share the stage for a hilarious night of stand up and crowd work. Also called “the roastmaster general,” Jeff Ross is known for his quick and hard-hitting insult comedy, and comic Dave Attell is better known for his brand of sass (you might remember him from a late night show on Comedy Central called Insomniac). Don’t sit too close to the stage if you’re feeling sensitive.
Wednesday, May 23 - Doug Loves Movies @ The Neptune Theater
Comedian Doug Benson— best known for the documentary Super High Me, and also for being baked out of his skull at every live show and TV appearance he’s ever done, ever— is recording an episode of his podcast, Doug Loves Movies. Having once attended a Doug Loves Movies taping before, I can say firsthand that you definitely wanna be stoned for this event. Show up with a movie-themed “name tag” for a chance to win prizes, and don’t get too drunk and start yelling things (last time, Doug was on stage for 2 minutes then refused to perform until this belligerent lady in the front row was escorted out).
May 25-28 - Northwest Folklife Festival @ Seattle Center
The annual festival celebrates cultures & traditions as forms of art & entertainment, attempting to break down cultural barriers and shatter stereotypes. I know it sounds like a bad soda commercial, but it’s fun and it’s free! Bring the whole family because Northwest Folklife has something for everyone.
Monday, May 28 - Memorial Day
Got the day off? Getting ready to barbecue with some friends and family? Perfect! Stop by the shop and we’ll help with the party favors! We’ll be open during our normal business hours: 8am to 11:45pm.
Thursday, May 31- Weed School: Double Delicious @ Herbn Elements
Class is in session! Our friends from Double Delicious will be in the store from 4 to 7pm to talk about their capsules, RSO, infused MCT oil, and their CO2 vape cartridges. All of their products will be 20% OFF all day!
Those are just a few of our favorite events happening this May! Check back next month for a new list of events, and make sure to stop by Herbn Elements for all your cannabis needs.
Article by Ramsey Doudar; an in-house marketing and social media strategist at Herbn Elements. Ramsey's perspective is influenced by 1.5 years of budtending, 5 years as a cannabis industry marketing professional, and 10+ years of being a super picky medical patient.